My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's blow job season.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
