he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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