This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
