apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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