Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
