So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
