I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize