12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
