it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
