I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
