I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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