my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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