I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
