She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
