so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize