she woke up with a sticky ear
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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