bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
