i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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