Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
