Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
