I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
