i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
