and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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