She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
