I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
