I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
