I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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