if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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