some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
