You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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