...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Watching her eat just hurts me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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