Your tits are I can't wait for
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
