Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
