at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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