i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
FUCK WHALES
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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