dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
