he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize