Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
