I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
