My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
