so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
