i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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