dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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