please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
