my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
