He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
