This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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