im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
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