HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
