she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize