people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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