It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hippo gnu deer
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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