So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Randomize
