I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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