I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
