i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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