i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
