something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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