she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am spending my child support on dildos
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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