He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
