Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
