We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize