You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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