i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
