I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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