my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
