The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
