We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's the barista slut.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
