you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
