God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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