I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
