I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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