you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
