Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
