bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
