Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
