College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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