she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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