marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
