i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
