I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
