Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
