When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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