Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
