Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
