I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
