Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
