3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
