Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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