I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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