Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
