So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
