I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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